Any list that says it’s the best of anything is subjective.

I just checked a top 10 list of dogs that like to play, and the Vizsla isn’t listed there. Hello? Rose the Office Dog would argue that its author has lost her mind. Rose is a frisbee maniac. A ball hog. The girl won’t stop playing. Spend a day with her, and you’ll put Rose at the top of a dogs-that-like-to-play list.

As I was saying, best of lists are subjective. I proved that on this website with my Top 5 Buddy Cop Movies and The 10 Best Crime Fiction Movies of the 80s. I thought I would prove that truth again with a list of the top five horror movies of the 1980s (just in time for Halloween).

As with my other lists, I lay down rules before beginning. It helps give some insight into why I picked the movies I did.

The Rules

1.       Even though other lists have picked these movies as part of the horror genre, I have trouble believing movies like Gremlins, The Fly, and The Thing are horror. According to Wikipedia (the keeper of internet truth), horror “is a film genre that seeks to elicit fear or disgust in its audience for entertainment purposes.” The previously mentioned movies didn’t provoke disgust. They might have produced some fear, but so did Predator, and I wouldn’t call that a horror movie.

Rule #1: Big-budget movies with broad audience appeal aren’t horror movies.

2.     Dovetailing into the argument above, I also believe that vampire and werewolf movies are not horror films. They’re science fiction movies. Maybe we can call them fantasy, but The Lost Boys was not horror, and neither was An American Werewolf in London. This knocks out films like Silver Bullet and Near Dark, too.

I loved The Lost Boys, but it’s hard to call it a horror movie. A movie is not scary when it’s so bloody cool.

Rule #2: Vampire and werewolf movies aren’t horror films.

3.     I don’t dig slasher movies like Friday the 13th and Halloween. You know the ones with the maniacal bad guy on a kill craze for no other reason than to stabby-stab someone. But wait, traditional horror fans will cry—how can it be a best-of-list if those movies are banned?

Because this is my list, and I make the rules. Duh.

Rule #3: No traditional slasher films.

4.     What about Stephen King movies like The Shining and Cujo? All right, I’ll give you that The Shining was scary (and it probably had a big budget - rule #1), but comparing films based on books written by the horror master seems unfair. It’s like they have an unfair advantage.

However, Maximum Overdrive made my list below, so you can disregard the bullshit reason I just said.

But I’m still making it a rule.

 Rule #4: No Stephen King movies except Maximum Overdrive.

 Now that the rules are in place let’s get to judging.

 The 5 Best Horror Movies of the 80s
(according to a crime fiction author)

There you go. My five favorite, I mean, the five BEST horror movies from the 1980s.

What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree?

Let me know in the comments below.