A Bloodsucking Deal

My favorite movie is Rocky. 

There are so many things I love about it. Rocky overcomes great odds to go fifteen rounds with the heavyweight champion of the world, something no one else has ever done. In doing so, he proves to himself and the world that he’s worth something. Also, the movie is a love story between Rocky and Adrian, the shy woman he meets in the local pet store.

My girlfriend, a romantic redhead, didn’t believe me when I said Rocky was also a love story. She’d never seen the film and had no interest in it. I still loved her, although her lack of appreciation for Sylvester Stallone was a definite ding in her armor of perfection.

My girlfriend, a romantic redhead, didn’t believe me when I said Rocky was also a love story. She’d never seen the film and had no interest in it. I still loved her, although her lack of appreciation for Sylvester Stallone was a definite ding in her armor of perfection.

To finally get my girlfriend to watch my favorite movie, I suggested a trade. I’d watch Twilight if she watched Rocky. She agreed, but I had to watch Twilight first. My girlfriend didn’t want me to renege on our deal. She was smart to make that demand.

As it was, I dragged my feet on watching those sparkling vampires. It was like taking bad-tasting medicine for a cold I didn’t have. That’s when my girlfriend suggested I could read the book to hold up my end of the bargain.

You know what? That’s what I did, and I didn’t hate it. The writing was fine, and the story moved right along. I finished it in a couple of days. I just didn’t see what the hubbub was all about. I’m a dude. Angsty teen girls haven’t been my jam since I was a teenage boy.

Like a champion, she held up her end of the deal and watched Rocky after that. She finally agreed there was a love story in it.

“Did you like it?” I asked with a big smile, secretly hoping she’d say, “No, I loved it,” then we’d go on a Stallone-movie binge and watch First Blood, Cop Land, and the Get Carter remake, all fantastic movies. Oh man, I almost forgot the super cool Nighthawks!

She shrugged in response to my question. “I didn’t hate it.”

Never Negotiate with a Redhead

When I started playing with the idea for the third Cozy Up novel, I imagined bad guys chasing my reluctant hero, Beau Smith, into some sort of movie festival and him being forced to hide out there. I could have chosen any number of film franchises for the event.

Science fiction fans presented some fun opportunities. Imagine Beau confronting a guy dressed as Darth Vadar. Marvel movies did the same thing. Beau bumping into a guy wearing a Hulk suit held some allure. However, the film franchise I settled on was Twilight.

It seemed women of all ages lost their minds over those sparkling vampires. Movies, television shows, and books galore followed its release. I figured it would be easy to create a similar film franchise for my book and poke fun at it.

I’d read Twilight and had a good idea of some of the vampire conventions it used. What I really needed was to understand the movie series.

Ugh.

My girlfriend happily agreed to watch the movies with me. I tried to create a new deal with her. First Blood for the Twilight movie. Nope. She knew I was stuck, since I needed to watch the movies for research. She didn’t have to give up anything.

I think I discovered a new rule for Sam Strait, the Flip-Flop Detective - never negotiate with a redhead.

While the Twilight movies played, my girlfriend watched with rapt attention. I kept a notepad, jotting anything I might turn into something funny for the book which ended up being Cozy Up to Blood.

During the first movie, I turned to her and said, “Edward is over a hundred years old.”

She said, “Yeah, so?” 

“Bella’s eighteen. That’s gross.”

“Edward is still a teenager,” she argued.

“With the mind of a hundred-year-old perv.”

She glared at me. “Don’t ruin this.”

Women will forgive a lot of creepy behavior if it comes wrapped in a package like Robert Pattinson.

We watched the first three movies (Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse) in quick order. She cried in the second movie as predicted. I cried, too, but it was when she put the DVD into the player.

By the time we reached the two-part Breaking Dawn (the fourth & fifth movies), I couldn’t take any more. I still don’t know what happened to Bella and Edward.

Please don’t tell me, though. I want to be surprised if I’m forced to watch it after losing another round of negotiation with a redhead.